Yes, you read that right. I have officially written 150 of these things, most of them bad, some of them good; but the point of this milestone, you see, is that I have been able to write 150 posts because I have such a huge follower base.
Gee, I’m pretty sure we’re near 100 followers now, in total. Crazy stuff. Wouldn’t have anticipated it a year ago, but there are those things you can never sense until they’re right on top of you, am I right? Eh?
But, to the topic of this post, quite a serious one, if I may say so:
I’ve been attending CAA meetings lately. For those who aren’t familiar with the acronym, it stands for Coffee Addicts Anonymous, maybe you haven’t heard it; and, honestly, I wouldn’t blame you. It’s situated out of my parent’s basement, so…small reception, heh.
I wasn’t always addicted to coffee, no, as a kid, I hated the crap. It tasted like black licorice combined with tar–although, that may have been due to my Dad’s preference for black coffee.
I’m more of a creamer man myself. That’s right, ladies. I’m buddy-buddy with Coffee-Mate.
The addiction started off harmless, like a Daddy Long Legs, then, it…oh, it’s difficult to say…it took over my mornings, filled my stomach, and–and, it made me have to use the little boy’s room quite a few more times than usual.
Oh, man, I need a breather. I can hardly talk about it without feeling the urge.
Quick, someone grab a liter of Prune Juice!
[One hour, and one big, big, big burp, later]
All right, we’re good now. I have quenched my thirst with the worst possible drink–oh, wait, that’s orange juice, duh.
We may now proceed with open questions from the audience:
How many, uh, coffee cups do you consume a day?
Tough question, pal. I’d have to say three…dozen.
What is your favorite type of coffee?
Whatever’s in the pot, babe; and, hey, shoot me your number. We’ll get together, have coffee.
How long is it going to take you to realize no one is actually asking questions?
What a twat that guy was, huh? I made sure he was kicked out of the auditorium, so he’s not gonna be bothering us any longer. There are just no decent people anymore, ‘cept for you guys; you guys are cool.
Like coffee. Coffee’s cool, unless it’s hot.
Use that for your next pick-up line, guys. You can credit me later–with a check for 100 grand, addressed to Thoughts of A Southpaw; but, really, it’s no biggie.
Otherwise, keep it rocking, my people.
150 posts strong, and still rolling!
Photo Credit: Tumblr, I believe…